Yesterday I was studying Freud and leaning a bit about talk therapy, how the catharsis of speaking their thoughts can free people from the symptoms of their mental illness, specifically schizophrenia. I'm not sure what I think about that yet. I mean I definitely think that it 'works' (re: the memoir of Elyn Saks and her talk therapy). But why does it relieve the symptoms and what are the source of the symptoms. I have my ideas but they will stay in my brain for now.
A lot of the time I spend thinking is aimed at trying to fit worldly realities and biblical truth together.
Today I was reading about Vincent van Gogh and his life. I didn't know much about it. His father was a minister in the Dutch Reformed Church. Van Gogh was significantly committed to the gospel for much of his life (he only lived until 37). He studied theology some and lived as a missionary for a period. He was trying to preach the gospel. As he began to take his own artwork very seriously he considered major works of art to be leading people to God.
Van Gogh reportedly abandoned any faith in God when a theologian who he had respected and trusted refused to let him marry his daughter. The daughter also refused to marry Van Gogh. Most likely the refusals were based upon Van Goghs extreme mental instability which was well present by that time.
Van Gogh was likely bipolar, possibly schizophrenic, and suffered from a variety of health problems. He did drastic, violent things such as cutting off part of his ear. He saw hallucinations and experienced very strong depressive and manic episodes. He died from a gunshot wound in his chest. Suicide is the largely accepted theory but some argue otherwise.
I think his life is absolutely fascinating. Before he died (he didn't die immediately from his gunshot wound), his brother reported that his last words were "the sadness will last forever".
I'm hesitant to share what I'm thinking about all this because the majority of people would call it absolute lunacy and probably write me off as a very poorly misguided, intolerant and crazy extremist. Ack. Here goes anyways.
I think the course of Van Gogh's life reflects a life without God. I think it was sinfulness and temptation that lead him away from God, and sinfulness and temptation that destroyed him. I think that after rejecting God he became utterly lost and there was no hope for him. I think he was buffeted on every side by the devil, against whom Van Gogh had no defense after he refused the Savior he once believed in. The angst and confusion and pain of his life is even more amplified than that of most because he once knew hope and truth.
For if, after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them and overcome, the latter end is worse for them than the beginning. For it would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than having known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered to them. But it has happened to them according to the true proverb: “A dog returns to his own vomit,” and, “a sow, having washed, to her wallowing in the mire.”
2 Peter 2:20-22
Van Gogh's life also makes me think about the following verse:
For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted the heavenly gift, and have become partakers of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, if they fall away, to renew them again to repentance, since they crucify again for themselves the Son of God, and put Him to an open shame.
Hebrews 6:4-6
Hebrews 6:4-6
I think that the devil is real and that he messes with me everyday. I think that he eggs me on in my own sinfulness to refuse Christ and seek my meaning and value in the world. I think that he is involved and happy whenever I sin - when I hate, when I lust, when I desire my own recognition and success, when I take pride in my own rightness, when I stop believing that Jesus is real and true. I think he is constantly trying to remove me from the only one who I need.
I continually fail to acknowledge the power that the devil has and is daily using to bring me to my destruction. But more significantly, usually when I am failing to acknowledge the devils supernatural involvement in my life I am also failing to acknowledge God's supernatural power in my life.
I need to believe God's supernatural power in order to survive. I am hopelessly sinful and when I don't believe God I have no defense against my own sinfulness. Jesus is my only hope of being free from my own sin. I need to pray and repent and beg for help and depend on God when I sin. It doesn't work when I try to fight my sin on my own. And against all the things that hurt me and confuse me I must wield a faith that trusts Jesus with my life and frees me to love Him more than myself.
I really don't enjoy believing things that people I know and respect disagree with. Even things they think are ridiculous. But at some point I'm just going to have to suck it up and be okay with the fact that when I say what I believe people are going to think I'm foolish. And I need to stop not saying what I believe because I want to control what people think of me. If people could read my thoughts I would never have this problem.
"For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because what may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse, because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools, and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man—and birds and four-footed animals and creeping things.
Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.
For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.
And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.
