There was a time when I became so despairing and confused in my faith that I began writing critical bible verses in permanent marker on the wall by my bed. Verses that I couldn't understand enough to logically embed themselves as realities in my mind. As a practice well ingrained by my education, I can't believe or act upon anything until I have understood it and proven it to myself. As a result, I mentally walk away from Christianity each time I come across something that I can't comprehend. If one truth of Christianity fails my test, then the entire faith system collapses. The particular example above was when I hit predestination. I couldn't stomach it (but I believe it). I ended up in bed for weeks.
Such pits of despair are now familiar and, unfortunately, have been reoccurring. It happens every time I choose to trust my own understanding and therefore lose my root in Christ. And it hurts like hell. I deny Truth and I end up depressed. Sinful. Angry. Hopeless. Without fail, when I stop trusting, I become utterly lost and confused.
I can't prove the Christian faith to myself by logic or reasoning. On the contrary, I don't understand it and I often can't logically consent to it. I continue to believe it not by choice but by necessity. Rebelling against God leads me unto death. My unconquerable despair each time I abandon God is my greatest evidence that the bible is true. I need to believe in Him simply in order to live.
I know from trial and error that when I neglect God's truth my mind becomes tortured and chaotic. Survival becomes hopeless. This blog is an attempt to continually renew my mind with God's truth so that I may live. So that I may be able to know love, joy and peace that are only possible in Him. So that I might have the courage and faith to live my life completely for Him - a feat which is impossible for me in my selfishness.
I ache that Galatians 2:20 might be true of me. "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me".
Therefore I make an attempt to renew my mind in His truth each day. And to share this with you for common growth and edification. This is my new wall where I will write God's Truth.
My old one was painted over when I left for school and my brother moved into my room.
"Never neglect your spiritual meals, or you will lack stamina and your spirits will sink. Live on the substantial doctrines of grace, and you will outlive and out-work those who delight in the pastry and syllabubs of 'modern thought." - Charles Spurgeon
"Never neglect your spiritual meals, or you will lack stamina and your spirits will sink. Live on the substantial doctrines of grace, and you will outlive and out-work those who delight in the pastry and syllabubs of 'modern thought." - Charles Spurgeon
