Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts

Sunday, October 27, 2013

For The Christian Who Reads

An excerpt from the writings of George Mueller:

I fell into the snare into which so many young believers fall - the reading of religious books in preference to the Scriptures. I could no longer read French and German novels, as I had formerly done, to feed my carnal mind, but still I did not replace those books with the best of all books. I read tracts, missionary papers, sermons and biographies of godly persons. This last kind of book I found more profitable than others, and had they been well selected, or had I not read too much of these writings, or had any of them tended particularly to endear the Scriptures to me, they might have done me much good. 

I never had been at any time in my life in the habit of reading the Holy Scriptures. When under fifteen years of age, I occasionally read a little of them at school; afterward God's precious Book was entirely laid aside, so that I never read one single chapter of it, as far as I remember, until it pleased God to begin a work of grace in my heart.

Now the scriptural way of reasoning would have been: God Himself has condescended to become an author, and I am ignorant about His precious book, which His Holy Spirit has caused to be written though the instrumentality of His servants. It contains what I ought to know, and the knowledge which will lead me to true happiness; therefore, I ought to read again and again this most precious Book, this Book of books, most earnestly, most prayerfully, and with much meditation. In this practice I ought to continue all the days of my life.

I was aware, though I had read the Bible but little, that I knew scarcely anything of it.  But instead of acting thus, and being led by my ignorance of the Word of God to study it more, my difficulty in understanding it and the little enjoyment I had in it made me careless in reading it (for much prayerful reading of the Word not merely gives more knowledge, but also increases the delight we have in reading it); and thus, like many believers, I practically preferred, for the first four years of my new life in Christ, the works of uninspired men to the oracles of the living God.

The consequence was that I remained a babe, both in knowledge and in grace. I say in knowledge because all true knowledge must be derived by the Spirit, from the Word. And since I neglected the Word, I was for nearly four years so ignorant that I did not clearly know even the fundamental points of of our holy faith.

This lack of knowledge most sadly kept me back from walking steadily in the ways of God. For it is the truth that makes us free (John 8:32), by delivering us from the slavery of "all that is in the world; the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life" (1 John 2:16). The Word proves it; the experience of the saints proves it; and my own experience also most decidedly proves it. For when it pleased the Lord in August 1829 to bring me to the Scriptures, my life and walk became very different. And though even since that time I have very much fallen short of what I might and ought to be (see Romans 3:23), yet, by the grace of God, I have been enabled to live much nearer to Him than before.

If any believers read these words who prefer other books to the Holy Scriptures, and who enjoy the writings of men much more than the Word of God, may they be warned by my loss. I will consider this book to have been the means of doing much good, if it pleases the Lord through its instrumentality to lead some of His people no longer to neglect the Holy Scriptures, but to give them that preference that they have hitherto given to the writings of men.

My dislike of increasing the number of books available to readers would have been sufficient to deter me from writing these pages if I had not been convinced that this is the only way in which others may be benefited from my mistakes and errors. I was influence by hope that, in answer to my prayers, the reading of my experience may be the means of leading them to value the Scriptures more highly and to make them the standard and guide of all their actions. 

If anyone should ask me how he may read the Scriptures profitably, I would advise Him that above all he should seek to have it settled in his own mind that God alone, by His Spirit, can teach him. Also, since he will be asking God for blessings, it is a beneficial idea to seek God's blessing before reading the Word, as well as during the reading of Scripture.

Moreover, he should have settled in his mind that, although the Holy Spirit is the best and sufficient teacher, this Teacher does not always teach immediately when we desire it, and that, therefore, we may have to ask Him again and again for the explanation of certain passages. But He will surely teach us at last, if indeed we are seeking for light prayerfully, patiently, and with a view to the glory of God.

Also, it is of immense importance for the understanding of the Word of God to read it systematically, so that every day we may read a portion of the Old and a portion of the New Testament, going on where we previously left off. The reasons to read the Bible in a systematic way are as follows:

This method is important because it throws light upon the connection between the Old and the New Testaments; a different method, where one habitually selects favorite chapters, will make it utterly impossible ever to understand much of the Scriptures.

Second, while we are in the body, we need a change, even in spiritual things; and this change the Lord has graciously provided in the great variety that is to be found in His Word.

Third, an orderly reading of the Word honors the glory of God. The leaving out of some chapters here and there is practically saying that certain portions are better than others, or that there are certain parts of revealed truth that are unprofitable or unnecessary.

Next, it may keep us, by the blessing of God, from erroneous views, since in reading regularly through the Scriptures we are led to see the meaning of the whole. We are also kept from placing too much stress upon certain favorite views. 

Fifth, the Scriptures contain the whole revealed will of God; therefore, we ought to seek to read from time to time though the whole of that revealed will. I fear that many believers in our day have no read even once through the whole Scriptures; yet in a few months, by reading only a few chapters every day, they might accomplish it.

It is also of the greatest importance to meditate on what we read, so that perhaps a small portion, or, if we have time, the whole, may be meditated upon in the course of the day. Or a single portion of the book, or an epistle, or a gospel, through which we go regularly for meditation., may be considered every day, without causing one to be brought into bondage by this plan.

I have found scholarly commentaries to store the head with many notions and often also with the truth of God; but when the Spirit teaches, through the instrumentality of prayer and meditation, the heart is affected. The former kind of knowledge generally puffs up (1 Cor 8:1), and is often renounced when another commentary gives a different opinion. It is often also found good for nothing, when it is to be carried out in practice. The latter kind of knowledge generally humbles, gives joy, leads us nearer to God, and is not easily reasoned away. Having been obtained from God, and thus having entered into our hearts, it becomes our own and is also generally carried out.

***

I am guilty of loving Christian biography and preferring it to Scripture. I am guilty of loving head-knowledge (sermons, teachings) and preferring them to Scripture.

I believe I have my own life evidence that attests to the truth of Mueller's words (and the truth of Scripture). During grade twelve I read my bible voraciously, reading the New Testament every morning and the Old Testament each night. I can barely even remember what it was like to have such stamina. My commitment to reading Scripture since then has been abysmal. Yet I believe that year spent deeply soaking in the Word of God was orchestrated and used by God to give me an everlasting acquaintance with His Spirit. Being taught directly by His Spirit was what invited me to truly know Him and that foundational time of truly knowing Him is what makes it possible for me to know Him now. 

I sincerely hope that He will once again draw me, by faith, into deep reading of His Word. Please pray for a commitment to God's Word such as George Mueller described - for myself, for yourselves, and for all who truly desire to know and love Jesus Christ. 

... all this is not to say that you shouldn't read Christian biographies. Read them (Brothers, Read Christian Biography)! Just be watchful that your primary attention is to God's Word.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Thanksgiving....

A couple of minutes ago I thought I had a perfect idea. I say perfect because perfect ideas settle in my mind with absolute, joyous perfection immediately as they are first thought. The idea was to blog a list of things I'm thankful for. Then I realized it is thanksgiving today. Inspired perfection turned dreadful cliche. After recovering from the disappointment I decided to go ahead with the idea anyways.

I normally stop myself short when I start thinking of the things I'm thankful for because, like happiness, I have this unacknowledged apprehension that once I acknowledge it, it will disappear. Or that I’m not supposed to be thankful/happy. I have no idea why I think that. A lie that I’ve believed. To be attacked with truth.

So you shall rejoice in every good thing which the Lord your God has given to you and your house, you and the Levite and the stranger who is among you (Deut 26:11).

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! (Philippians 4:4)

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). 


THUS
God, thanks for freeing me to be thankful by letting me see and believe truth. Though I most often don’t acknowledge it, a lot of things do make me very glad. And I have You to thank for them. Here are some of them! (Not in any order).

1. Space Oddity by David Bowie
2. The way pianos and guitars can be played without any skill and still sound absolute gorgeous.
3. The way they sound gorgeous beyond comprehension when they are played with skill.
4. 8tracks.
5. Delicious smells that carry vivid memories and strong emotion.
6. That I don’t need to worry about anything, and actually am not supposed to.
7. That you've put people in my life who really do care about me and understand me.

8. The human capability of singing.
9. How sunshine produces astounding colour.
10. SWIMMING IN RIVERS AND LAKES.
11. Boats.
12. When I really imagined and loved heaven for the first time two nights ago.
13. When I pray and then I remember that I totally love You.
14. People who guide and encourage me.
15. how time passing makes me full of awe, seeing the change in the world, myself and others and seeing things that never change.
16. Food that tastes delicious and treats my body wonderfully.
17. Enjoying things in moderation.
18. Hope that isn't at all related to what I do with my life; that I can't mess up.
19. Confusion and struggle and angst that make my life interesting and teach me things I could never learn otherwise. 
20. The promise that I will abide with God in His perfect love, joy, wisdom and peace. 

Friday, October 11, 2013

Happy = Scary

Blogging has proved to be more difficult than I imagined. Knowing that people are reading most definitely alters what I choose to write. Even though I’m trying not to be selective about what I say, there are some vulnerabilities that I’m more comfortable with showing than others. 

I’m actually more comfortable displaying my over analytic, skeptical and pessimistic thoughts than my joyful, trusting and unconcerned ones. My unhappy thoughts feel logical and well-defended. My happy thoughts feel extremely unsound and easily dismissible. (Also, I frequent the former more than the latter, which means I think and write more often by the former, which means this blog is going to be mostly a downer, hopefully hitting infrequent yet spectacular highs).

So I struggle with being ‘thought-out unhappy’ and then all of a sudden switching to simply ‘happy’. It feels like I’m betraying my own credibility. I can logic myself into unhappy but I can never logic myself into happy. Happy arrives when analyzing stops and I just believe – believe that you are funny, believe that you think I’m funny, believe that life is great (even though I can’t explain it or prove it).  Happy falls upon me unexpectedly. I can’t find happy, happy finds me.

(I just now realized that ‘happiness is a choice’ is popular and very pretty opinion.... it appears that I’m arguing against that.....oops).

Anyways, my public writing favours unhappy because unhappy is defendable and readily accessible, while happy is reason-resistant and illusive.

It's normal for me to often get myself into really despairing and confused mental states because I think too much about everything and take everything very seriously. I’ve been told that a good remedy for my unhappiness would be to stop thinking so much, but most of the time I would rather be unhappy than stop thinking. Something for another time, that one.

Happy doesn’t sit well with me the same way trusting God doesn’t sit well with me. It disposes of my constant thinking. It’s out of my control. I can’t find it, it find’s me. I despise it when I don’t have it because it seems so flimsy. But then I realize that even if I don’t want it, I need it. And then I sit around hoping for it and waiting for it but still despising it because it’s beyond me.

So all of that said, letting my mind be seen in the throes of happiness is terribly frightening, yet still more frightening is letting my mind be seen in the throes of trusting God.

Ideally all this messy preamble served the purpose of bearing the following:

I am very afraid of trusting God.

I am also very afraid of giving over my life to Him.

I’m extremely frightened of letting go of everything else in order to have Him.

I’m not a fan of having people watch my strength fall to bits knowing that it was the result of me trying to believe God.

I’m also not a fan of having absolutely no confidence in myself because I believe that all of my confidence is supposed to be in Jesus.

I despise being totally embarrassed by my weakness.

I despise that I have to surrender my own pursuits of wisdom and success and happiness in order to try to gain Christ.

I despise that the way to Christ isn’t in my control.

However, what I do not at all despise, but rather entirely love, are the times when I have finally come so pathetically to the end of myself that I end up before God without a shred of courage. I’m there praying without any of my own strength left and then all of a sudden I am inexplicably, completely trusting of God. Faith that is beyond me and is absolutely perfect. All the blind struggle necessary to get to that point is more than worth it because there finds me the joy of believing as God rejoices to be believed.

That, my dears, is God-trusting honesty that makes me recoil when I read it. It reeks of poorly poetic mumbo jumbo, yet it’s true and I’m simply not capable of logically depicting the realness of it.