Running in Circles

My Sole Resolve

Resolved, if I only have the strength to accomplish one thing with my life, that thing shall be that I seek to know and love the Lord through His Word each and every day.  

Jonathan Edward's Resolutions

Jonathan Edwards had a will-power the likes of which I can't even begin to comprehend (or perhaps it is rather a faith in Christ the likes of which I can't comprehend). He wrote and lived by a list of very demanding Resolutions. I can hardly even bear the imagining of how heavy such weight would be on the mind, desiring to accomplish so much all at once. 

Most of his resolutions scare me, and many seem to come from a place of understanding, seriousness of faith and desperation that I don't think I've yet come to, but there are certain ones that I currently dream of having the faith to live by. Perhaps you might be inspired by them as well, and might go forward in faith to practice them. 

Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life.

Resolved, that I will not give way to that listlessness which I find unbends and relaxes my mind from being fully and fixedly set on religion [on Christ], whatever excuse I may have for it-that what my listlessness inclines me to do, is best to be done, etc.

Resolved, whenever my feelings begin to appear in the least out of order, when I am conscious of the least uneasiness within, or the least irregularity without, I will then subject myself to the strictest examination.

Resolved, to study the Scriptures so steadily, constantly and frequently, as that I may find, and plainly perceive myself to grow in the knowledge of the same.

Resolved, never to count that a prayer, nor to let that pass as a prayer, nor that as a petition of a prayer, which is so made, that I cannot hope that God will answer it; nor that as a confession, which I cannot hope God will accept.

Resolved, to examine carefully, and constantly, what that one thing in me is, which causes me in the least to doubt of the love of God; and to direct all my forces against it.

Resolved, whenever I do any conspicuously evil action, to trace it back, till I come to the original cause; and then both carefully endeavor to do so no more, and to fight and pray with all my might against the original of it.

Resolved, to improve every opportunity, when I am in the best and happiest frame of mind, to cast and venture my soul on the Lord Jesus Christ, to trust and confide in him, and consecrate myself wholly to him; that from this I may have assurance of my safety, knowing that I confide in my Redeemer

Resolved, very much to exercise myself in this all my life long, with the greatest openness I am capable of, to declare my ways to God, and lay open my soul to him: all my sins, temptations, difficulties, sorrows, fears, hopes, desires, and every thing, and every circumstance.

Resolved, never to give over, nor in the least to slacken my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.

Resolved, if ever I shall fall and grow dull, so as to neglect to keep any part of these Resolutions, to repent of all I can remember, when I come to myself again.

See the full list of his 70 Resolutions here.

For The Christian Who Reads

An excerpt from the writings of George Mueller:

I fell into the snare into which so many young believers fall - the reading of religious books in preference to the Scriptures. I could no longer read French and German novels, as I had formerly done, to feed my carnal mind, but still I did not replace those books with the best of all books. I read tracts, missionary papers, sermons and biographies of godly persons. This last kind of book I found more profitable than others, and had they been well selected, or had I not read too much of these writings, or had any of them tended particularly to endear the Scriptures to me, they might have done me much good. 

I never had been at any time in my life in the habit of reading the Holy Scriptures. When under fifteen years of age, I occasionally read a little of them at school; afterward God's precious Book was entirely laid aside, so that I never read one single chapter of it, as far as I remember, until it pleased God to begin a work of grace in my heart.

Now the scriptural way of reasoning would have been: God Himself has condescended to become an author, and I am ignorant about His precious book, which His Holy Spirit has caused to be written though the instrumentality of His servants. It contains what I ought to know, and the knowledge which will lead me to true happiness; therefore, I ought to read again and again this most precious Book, this Book of books, most earnestly, most prayerfully, and with much meditation. In this practice I ought to continue all the days of my life.

I was aware, though I had read the Bible but little, that I knew scarcely anything of it.  But instead of acting thus, and being led by my ignorance of the Word of God to study it more, my difficulty in understanding it and the little enjoyment I had in it made me careless in reading it (for much prayerful reading of the Word not merely gives more knowledge, but also increases the delight we have in reading it); and thus, like many believers, I practically preferred, for the first four years of my new life in Christ, the works of uninspired men to the oracles of the living God.

The consequence was that I remained a babe, both in knowledge and in grace. I say in knowledge because all true knowledge must be derived by the Spirit, from the Word. And since I neglected the Word, I was for nearly four years so ignorant that I did not clearly know even the fundamental points of of our holy faith.

This lack of knowledge most sadly kept me back from walking steadily in the ways of God. For it is the truth that makes us free (John 8:32), by delivering us from the slavery of "all that is in the world; the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life" (1 John 2:16). The Word proves it; the experience of the saints proves it; and my own experience also most decidedly proves it. For when it pleased the Lord in August 1829 to bring me to the Scriptures, my life and walk became very different. And though even since that time I have very much fallen short of what I might and ought to be (see Romans 3:23), yet, by the grace of God, I have been enabled to live much nearer to Him than before.

If any believers read these words who prefer other books to the Holy Scriptures, and who enjoy the writings of men much more than the Word of God, may they be warned by my loss. I will consider this book to have been the means of doing much good, if it pleases the Lord through its instrumentality to lead some of His people no longer to neglect the Holy Scriptures, but to give them that preference that they have hitherto given to the writings of men.

My dislike of increasing the number of books available to readers would have been sufficient to deter me from writing these pages if I had not been convinced that this is the only way in which others may be benefited from my mistakes and errors. I was influence by hope that, in answer to my prayers, the reading of my experience may be the means of leading them to value the Scriptures more highly and to make them the standard and guide of all their actions. 

If anyone should ask me how he may read the Scriptures profitably, I would advise Him that above all he should seek to have it settled in his own mind that God alone, by His Spirit, can teach him. Also, since he will be asking God for blessings, it is a beneficial idea to seek God's blessing before reading the Word, as well as during the reading of Scripture.

Moreover, he should have settled in his mind that, although the Holy Spirit is the best and sufficient teacher, this Teacher does not always teach immediately when we desire it, and that, therefore, we may have to ask Him again and again for the explanation of certain passages. But He will surely teach us at last, if indeed we are seeking for light prayerfully, patiently, and with a view to the glory of God.

Also, it is of immense importance for the understanding of the Word of God to read it systematically, so that every day we may read a portion of the Old and a portion of the New Testament, going on where we previously left off. The reasons to read the Bible in a systematic way are as follows:

This method is important because it throws light upon the connection between the Old and the New Testaments; a different method, where one habitually selects favorite chapters, will make it utterly impossible ever to understand much of the Scriptures.

Second, while we are in the body, we need a change, even in spiritual things; and this change the Lord has graciously provided in the great variety that is to be found in His Word.

Third, an orderly reading of the Word honors the glory of God. The leaving out of some chapters here and there is practically saying that certain portions are better than others, or that there are certain parts of revealed truth that are unprofitable or unnecessary.

Next, it may keep us, by the blessing of God, from erroneous views, since in reading regularly through the Scriptures we are led to see the meaning of the whole. We are also kept from placing too much stress upon certain favorite views. 

Fifth, the Scriptures contain the whole revealed will of God; therefore, we ought to seek to read from time to time though the whole of that revealed will. I fear that many believers in our day have no read even once through the whole Scriptures; yet in a few months, by reading only a few chapters every day, they might accomplish it.

It is also of the greatest importance to meditate on what we read, so that perhaps a small portion, or, if we have time, the whole, may be meditated upon in the course of the day. Or a single portion of the book, or an epistle, or a gospel, through which we go regularly for meditation., may be considered every day, without causing one to be brought into bondage by this plan.

I have found scholarly commentaries to store the head with many notions and often also with the truth of God; but when the Spirit teaches, through the instrumentality of prayer and meditation, the heart is affected. The former kind of knowledge generally puffs up (1 Cor 8:1), and is often renounced when another commentary gives a different opinion. It is often also found good for nothing, when it is to be carried out in practice. The latter kind of knowledge generally humbles, gives joy, leads us nearer to God, and is not easily reasoned away. Having been obtained from God, and thus having entered into our hearts, it becomes our own and is also generally carried out.

***

I am guilty of loving Christian biography and preferring it to Scripture. I am guilty of loving head-knowledge (sermons, teachings) and preferring them to Scripture.

I believe I have my own life evidence that attests to the truth of Mueller's words (and the truth of Scripture). During grade twelve I read my bible voraciously, reading the New Testament every morning and the Old Testament each night. I can barely even remember what it was like to have such stamina. My commitment to reading Scripture since then has been abysmal. Yet I believe that year spent deeply soaking in the Word of God was orchestrated and used by God to give me an everlasting acquaintance with His Spirit. Being taught directly by His Spirit was what invited me to truly know Him and that foundational time of truly knowing Him is what makes it possible for me to know Him now. 

I sincerely hope that He will once again draw me, by faith, into deep reading of His Word. Please pray for a commitment to God's Word such as George Mueller described - for myself, for yourselves, and for all who truly desire to know and love Jesus Christ. 

... all this is not to say that you shouldn't read Christian biographies. Read them (Brothers, Read Christian Biography)! Just be watchful that your primary attention is to God's Word.

Read This

A blog that I think would be beneficial for you to know about and to read. 
Steve Fuller's Living By Faith Blog. 

The Sentence of Death in Ourselves

Read this entire thing seriously. Not just the highlighted part. Think before God about it. 

For we do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, of our trouble which came to us in Asia: that we were burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that we despaired even of life. Yes, we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead, who delivered us from so great a death, and does deliver us; in whom we trust that He will still deliver us, you also helping together in prayer for us, that thanks may be given by many persons on our behalf for the gift granted to us through many (2 Corinthians 1:8-11). 

We may just end up doing a little trek through 2 Corinthians.

SO MANY THINGS TO PONDER!!!

Leery on Anti-Depressants

I've been thinking more about the Christian view of depression and I am still leery on taking anti-depressants. I'm not convinced that they are an absolute no-no, but neither am I sure of when they should be a yes. I definitely don't think all depression should be medicated because some depression actually has good purpose. Depression drives me towards God. Also, depression is a 'correct' response to the state of our world if we are separated from God. 

But does it come to a point when depression is too powerful and needs to be treated or else it will be impossible for us to abide in Christ? And can we know that point?

Diagnosing Depression

I think that everyone agrees that there is an extreme unknownness in regards to the diagnosis of depression. Its seems to me that a certain amount of depression is normal for people who think deeply and often times it doesn't need to be treated. The symptoms of depression occurring here - hopelessness, fear, worry, worthlessness - are dispelled when the thinker receives renewed faith.

It's necessary to highlight here that my personal experience with depression isn't what people are defining as clinical depression; my depressive seasons have always been lifted as I return to trusting God. The claim is that real, clinical depression is caused by chemical imbalances which disable the ability to control one's thoughts and therefore to have faith.

It seems that the most definitive diagnosis of depression is based on length of time (some say more than two weeks). But this doesn't work for me because I've been bed-ridden for a least a month and have still been able to recover by faith. During the times I've been depressed, I haven't been able to convince myself of anything worthwhile living for (but I wasn't suicidal). I believe that God did (and continues to) free me from hopelessness in response to prayer (and He is the one who enables my faith and my prayer). Praying - choosing to trust God despite not trusting God, begging Him to forgive me and draw me to Him, declaring truth about Him, leaning completely on Him and not at all on myself - brings about a lightness and a freedom that I couldn't think myself into. My experience tells me that God can give me a peace which I can't create or find on my own.

Thought Control and Faith

Anti-depressants are supported by Christian's on the assumption that we must be in control of our thoughts in order to have faith. I realize that reasoning is certainly critical to having faith.

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ (2 Cor 10:3-5). 

What I'm not sure about is whether our control of thoughts is necessary to produce faith. What if the ability to bring thoughts into captivity to the obedience of Christ is not ours but God's? What if we don't actually have the the control to bring our thoughts under Christ? Like the weapons we use are God's, not our own. 

Try to follow this. I can't think myself into peace in Christ. I can pray myself into faith in Christ. But, you ask, doesn't praying = thinking? 

I think they might be different. When I pray, I am forming thoughts, but I don't feel in control of them. I mean, when I'm praying I end up thinking thoughts that I couldn't have imagined thinking if I wasn't praying. It feels like I don't know where the thoughts came from or how they managed to come about. I don't know where the strength came from to really think them. 

I know this distinction sounds really contrived and ambiguous. But I think things are tangibly different when I am thinking to God and when I am thinking to myself. When I pray, I receive faith to trust God that I didn't produce. When I'm praying I surrender control of my thoughts to God, and He controls my thoughts, and He produces the faith. 

It makes me think of this: Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered (Romans 8:26). But I'm not positive that this scripture actually applies to what I was just saying... I just know that this scripture is saying something that I should be paying attention to. Requiring further attention...

I'm theorizing that we aren't responsible for our faith, neither for the strength or fruit of our prayers, but it is God working in us to produce what pleases Him. What He accomplishes through us is irrelevant to our strength and ability. 

I've given myself a headache. 
Yet we continue.

Faith as a Gift

As I understand it, faith is something we receive from God, not something that we bring about by our own control. By that understanding, faith should still be possible in depression even if we can't achieve it ourselves. And freedom from depression should be possible by prayer, and if not our own prayer than that of others.

Also, if faith is a gift than the following is also true: Christian's who are taking anti-depressants should not be feeling ashamed because other Christian's are accusing them of lacking faith. All Christians do lack faith. Lacking faith is inevitable based on the reality that we are still in a fallen world and still imperfect. (Also, your faith doesn't belong to you, so your pride shouldn't be injured if you don't have it. You have no right to pride. All of your boasting is in Christ). 

Your shame in lacking faith is the same as your shame in being a sinner. Your faults are real, but you are not supposed to be ashamed of them any longer, because you have repented and been forgiven through the death and resurrection of Christ. The response to guilt for having depression, or for being medically treated for it, is to repent and turn to Christ. That's always the solution. No matter how confusing the situation seems. Just keep on turning to Christ and He will guard you as well as reveal, in time, the way that you should go.  Believe Christ and keep on trying to believe. I know it seems like faulty logic - i.e. how can you believe when you lack faith - but still you must believe unto faith.

Your brain is probably tired by now.

Mine is.

And so we plow on.

An Analogy for Anti-Depressant?

The most convincing Christian argument (in my opinion)  for clinical depression is that it causes a chemical imbalance which will most likely not be resolved by faith but should be medically treated. Similar to how one doesn't refuse glasses on the conviction that by their faith God will heal them from poor vision. These physical aids are chosen because clear vision (thank you glasses) and a clear mind (thank you anti-depressants) are necessary for both intake of God's Word and thought-control - which is in turn, and most importantly, necessary for faith. Glasses and anti-depressants themselves aren't actually healing, but they are God-given tools to enable our physically corrupted bodies to give their full attention to Him. 

A side note: there is still a niggling discomfort in my mind with the line-drawing that occurs at 'chemical imbalance'. Yes it's a physical thing, yet can I cause chemical imbalances in my own brain? When I am hopeless and stay in bed all day, do my negative thoughts change my brain chemistry? (I'm suspicious that they do). So... does there come a point where my brain has been chemically imbalanced for so long that now the chemicals are controlling my thoughts, rather than my thoughts controlling the chemicals? Is it like porn, where I've brought my mind into the habit of feeling a certain way, due to chemicals that I invited in, and now the chemicals have such a hold on me that I can't escape them? That I need medication (I'm still not sure)? Or that I need serious counselling and support (which I heartily approve of)?

Another side note: Christian's who support anti-depressants usually support that anti-depressants are solely giving the individual back the thought-control they once had. Yet there is evidence and opinion which says anti-depressants can alter personality, not returning the patient to their normal but rather being used to create a 'desired' normal. An artificial happiness, or even artificial personality, that wasn't experienced by that person before they were depressed. One example is Peter Kramer's work on Prozac. (I wrote a paper on this "Medicating our Personalities: A Reflection on Anti-Depressants" in my second year philosophy course (contemporary ethical issues). My views in that one are current as of April 2013). 

One of the major issues I see with glasses and anti-depressants is that they appear to give life (the ability to experience earthly life and enjoy it). Christians can begin to assume that they are okay now that they are able to function okay (I think that we all do this and it's natural - sinful - for us to do this). While you were blind or depressed, it was easy to remember that you needed God. Now that you seem fine it's more difficult. Except the glasses and anti-depressants didn't heal you. They gave you an artificial function of being healed. 

You still have poor vision and you are still hopeless. You are still subject to sin if you are not abiding in Christ and living by faith. I maintain that depression has a spiritual cause - that being that we are inherently hopeless and subject to all things evil on our own. We can become depressed while we are Christian's because we still lack faith, we are still imperfect, we still need to be constantly abiding in Christ in order to live. Anti-depressants can successfully treat the physical implications of the spiritual cause (sinfulness and lostness = an unhealthy mind and unhealthy body). But you still are not healed. You still have the most urgent need of abiding in Christ to defeat.

A Semblance of a Conclusion

We must decide whether or not anti-depressants are okay on a case by case basis and always be seeking first and foremost to abide in Christ. 

Anti-depressants can help us gain a healthy mind like exercise can help us gain a healthy body. But a healthy mind doesn't heal us just like a healthy body doesn't heal us. Therefore... exercise yourself toward godliness. For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come. This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance (1 Tim 4:7 -9).

DISCLAIMER: I am, of course, still thinking and praying and trying to come to the Truth. All these rambling thoughts are a part of me getting there. Which means, on some points, I'm likely going to disagree with myself later. Also I realize my reasoning becomes difficult to follow at points... sorry about that. 

Medicating our Personalities: A Research/Opinion Paper

Wrote this for a second year philosophy course (contemporary ethical issues). Probably like the most interesting paper I ever wrote. Check out the works cited for interesting sources. Also, plagiarism is bad. 

Medicating our Personalities: A Reflection on Antidepressants

With advancements in the pharmaceutical field, medically prescribed drugs now exist which can alter a person’s personality towards societal ideals. The availability of such drugs raises numerous moral tensions, primarily, if personalities can be biologically manufactured, is it moral for patients and psychiatrists to manufacture them? In order to agree upon the ethical use of these drugs a definition of the human personality is required. To what extent, for example, can certain behaviours be labelled as illness and therefore medically correctable? At the very root of the issue is whether the human personality is defined as a product of nature or nurture, or more complexly as a combination of the two. Should personalities be protected in their raw form because they have deep and undiscoverable meaning or are they a biological concoction which medicine can perfect? Where is the line between medically treating an illness such as depression or a character flaw such as social anxiety? Should it be permissible for entire societies to take drugs which seemingly increase personal happiness and ability to function in a culturally-perceived normalcy? The debate ultimately hangs on the question of who we are as human personalities and where we plot ourselves on the line between creatures of biology and creatures of deeper meaning. This paper, acknowledging the firm evidence that we are indeed creatures of biology, argues that we are foremost creatures of meaning that is intrinsic and invisible within biology. The following offers a discussion of relating viewpoints on the issue and suggests means of practicing the viewpoint of deeper meaning both socially and personally. Nevertheless, recognizing the limitless variety of personal opinions on the topic, the most basic purpose of this paper is to inform and empower readers with both knowledge and hope so that they may critically develop their own opinion and then choose to live according to their moral belief. 

The Conversation on Personality-Altering Drugs 

The conversation on personality-altering drugs in this paper will be limited to those which are currently in use for both depression and manic-depressive illness. The most infamous of these is Prozac, a drug which in some patients causes a very dramatic transformation of personality from depressive to extremely confident. Antidepressants are now a common household drug within Western society and had been comfortably received until the advent of Prozac and its like. The questions which need to be asked address the past, present and future: have we already begun altering personalities with antidepressants, have we already medicated past the point of knowing what is illness and what is not, and will we continue to develop and use medications that are not strictly for illness? 

At this point it is necessary to introduce the most extreme opposing opinions in this debate. The first, being primarily held within the medical field (psychiatrists, doctors) supports and encourages the prescription of any drug which increases the quality of life. Science proves, after all, that we are biological beings. One study of a depressive patient on Prozac reports that “if her self-destructiveness with men and her fragility at work disappeared in response to a biological treatment, they must have been biologically encoded” (Kramer, 2002, p. 650). Since all distinct character traits, positive or negative, are a product of biology than humans themselves are simply biology that can be altered. This reasoning, of course, leads to serious philosophical concerns on the uniqueness, purpose and value of the individual human life. Consequently, at the other extreme of the issue are those who condemn the use of any mentally-related drug. They do so on the conviction that the human personality is made up of meanings and experiences, more than simply biological, and is therefore too complex and sacred to be biologically tampered with:

“When I became ill, my sister was adamant that I should not take lithium and was disgusted that I did... she made it clear that she thought I should “weather it through” my depressions and manias, and that my soul would wither if I chose to dampen the intensity and pain of my experiences using medication...my personality, she said, had dried up, the fire was going out, and I was but a shell of my former self” (Jamison, 1995, p. 99). 

Opinions similar to this are particularly rampant within naturalist and religious circles. Yet, in reality, most people accept the use of antidepressants as a moral treatment of an otherwise fatal mental illness. The debate over these drugs cannot be made as simple as the two-opposing sides. 

The tensions between these two arguments are best illustrated within the lives of those who must decide, in their own life, whether or not to take the medically prescribed drugs. The moral dilemmas begin at the most basic level of differentiating between personality and illness. Kay Redfield Jamison, a woman of substantial knowledge and experience as both a psychiatrist and a victim of manic-depressive disorder, has seen through experience that “like so many people who get depressed, we felt our depressions were more complicated and existentially based than they actually were” (Jamison, 1995, p. 54). At one point she “genuinely believed that I ought to be able to handle whatever difficulties came my way without having to rely upon crutches of medication” (Jamison, 1995, p. 99). However the life-threatening highs and lows of manic-depressive disorder convinced her that it was necessary for her to take her medication: “At this point in my existence, I cannot imagine leading a normal life without both taking lithium and having had the benefits of psychotherapy” (Jamison, 1995, p. 88). She seems to be a clear example that, although medication does alter personality, “losing... energy, vivacity, and originality by taking medication” is preferable to “how costly, damaging and life threatening” her manic-depressive illness was (Jamison, 1995, p. 88). Her medication is how she survives. However, in her book Touched with Fire (1993) she seems to argue that manic-depressive illness is an indispensable element of uniquely artistic personalities. She highlights the link between artistic and creative genius in individuals like Emily Dickinson, Victor Hugo, Charles Dickens, Vincent van Gogh and Hugo Wolf - individuals whose personalities were defined by their manic-depressive disorders and whose accomplishments would not have been possible on medication. 

The complexity of drugs which affect the mind and personality is becoming increasingly more difficult as the effects of drugs are unpredictable and can actually transform people from one personality to another. Since drugs are more readily available, they also seem to be becoming more easily prescribed. Psychiatrist Peter Kramer’s study on his patient Tess and her transformation due to Prozac is perhaps frightening evidence of this. Past the point of healing Tess from depression, Kramer continues to provide Prozac to free Tess from hindrances that seem to be obviously an element of personality rather than mental illness:

“Here was the dilemma for me. Ought I to provide medication for someone who was not depressed... I assumed I would be medicating Tess’ chronic condition, call it what you will: heightened awareness to the needs of others, sensitivity to conflict, residual damage to self-esteem – all odd indications for medication... Who was I to withhold the bounties of science” (Kramer, 2002, p. 646). 

Kramer has documented the transformation of Tess’ personality by Prozac from low to high self-esteem, from shy to outgoing, from fearful to confident (Kramer, 2002, p. 644). He also notes that “she was not longer drawn to tragedy, nor did she feel heightened responsibility for the injured” (Kramer, 2002, p. 645). On Prozac Tess’ life became one of social success and personal happiness that is society’s advertised ideal. As a result of the drug, Tess regarded her character flaws as separate from her identity and defined her real identity as the high gained by Prozac (Kramer, 2002, p. 651). As Kramer witnesses the new lightness of Tess’ personality he recognizes what Jamison did in her study of manic-depressive disorder: as a result of personality-altering drugs “might we not, in a culture where over seriousness is a medically correctable flaw, lose our taste for the many melancholic or brooding artists (Kramer, 2002, p. 651). He realizes, as well, that our very concept of self is at stake if we can biologically define and alter ourselves. 

It is essential that antidepressants are studied and criticised as a moral issue because they threaten humanity’s definition and value of self. Simply on a philosophical level, they present an extremely burdensome challenge to solidify an understanding of self in the range of biological to existential meanings. As if resolving this were not impossible enough, there are also the practical implications of personality-altering antidepressants that need to be taken into account. Is it moral for society to create personalities that match its culturally-perceived ideals, and if so might this be the end of society, with individuality and diversity lost? Surely a division between those who can and cannot afford personality-altering drugs will develop, and then will we create a segregation of society too far of the moral path to ever repair? At the most basic level, will human life lose its meaning, lose love and selflessness, as we all strive for the ideal self? 

A Socio-Political Response to Personality-Altering Drugs 

Idealistically, if society were able to recognize a true definition of personality and its source, then a set of criteria and laws could be agreed upon which ethically regulate the prescription and use of personality-altering drugs. The nature of the human personality is, however, so disagreed upon and intangible that a true consensus is impossible. Therefore, for those whose morals disagree with the developing usage of personality-altering drugs, counter-pressures within the political domain will be difficult to apply. Since the issue of personality is very opinion-based, one cannot enforce their opinion on others in the form of a law or regulation. It seems, rather, that the best action to be had within the political domain is a continuing protection of the freedom of opinion and choice so that one may still express their moral beliefs personally and communally. Moreover, individuals may have the freedom to investigate and test the effects of personality-altering drugs and therefore to develop or change their opinions. Protecting freedom of choice in this area – to take or not take the drugs, to disagree or agree with someone else taking the drugs – can be accomplished through awareness-raising. Social media and formal organizations are effective means of upholding these rights of citizens. 

Having protected the freedom of choice within the political domain, social action can then be made to inform society of the moral issue that antidepressants present and encourage serious analysis of their impact on the value of humanity. This is not a moral issue which can be legalistically enforced but must rather be upheld by firm belief in protecting the sacredness of the human personality. The choice to use or not use personality-altering drugs is a personal one. The bias of this paper, as mentioned earlier, is towards a human personality that is primarily sacred and then biological. This belief is rooted in the truth claims of Christianity. From within this framework of the Christian faith - a framework that is not at all black and white - the use of antidepressants is not a matter of law but a matter of heart. That is to say, it is not beneficial for Christians to host legalistic campaigns pinpointing the perfect moral position between total abstinence and total acceptance of personality-altering drugs. Rather, the complexity and confusion of this moral issue requires individuals to seriously examine their desires and purposes in using their respective drugs. The issue to be handled is not the drugs themselves, but the selfish desires or lack of trust in God which causes people to use antidepressants wrongfully. 

An extremely honest and very well-researched work, by a Christian theologian who suffers from manic-depressive disorder, asserts that “mental illnesses are understood these days as biologically and socially based, not spiritually. But they do have a spiritual fallout” (Greene-McCreight, 2006, p. 107). If the ultimate source of the human personality is God Himself, then “religious language covers all and every aspect of being” (Greene-McCreight, 2006, p. 114). Although mental illness and medications are certainly not well-understood within Christian doctrine, the character of God and the relation of God to mankind are steadfast. The Christian response, therefore, to these dilemmas should not be to find a human and temporal answer but to find an eternal one. The Christian can have hope that when sin and confusion seem rampant, specifically with the new power of humanity in the biological field, all things are created and understood by God. The human personality finds its root in Him and is controlled by Him. Those struggling with mental illness can trust that “the Strong Man who will bind this spiritual fallout is Jesus” (Greene-McCreight, 2006, p. 107). Surely moral failure and sin are beyond human ability to control and understand, including the presence and impact of personality-altering medications. Likewise the God of the Universe remains that only One who can free us from the moral failure of them. He frees us from moral failure by a personal relationship with Him that is not of legalism or laws but of personal trust, forgiveness and love. As we try to decide to what extent personality-altering drugs are permissible it is necessary to depend on Him to be our source of goodness and truth because we, as sinful creatures, cannot make moral and good decisions. 

A Personal Response to Personality-Altering Drugs 

The moral issue of when or when not to use potentially personality-altering drugs is specifically related to a whether or not a person needs to make these choices in their life. The need for drugs to treat mental illness cannot be truly understood until it is experienced, and the importance of one’s moral stance on personality-altering drugs is not critical until a real decision must be made. The relevance of personality-altering drugs in most people’s lives will simply be staying informed on the reality of the drugs and their impact. A real moral opinion is not necessarily required, or put to the test, until one has the option to use the drugs themselves. My interest in the effects of personality-altering drugs is their increasing prevalence in the treatment of mood disorders and my suspicions that I may be victim to them. Having lived the textbook symptoms of depression for periods of three to four months at a time, but somewhat fearing a diagnosis, I have avoided professional opinions and also the certain offer of antidepressants. I am currently of the opinion that my moods are a part of personality which, though I may be unable to control them, are essential to my identity and do not require drugs to change them. I do not think that I need to be medicated because I have had suicidal thoughts; rather I think that my moods and thoughts have been out workings of my growing and changing relationship with God. As in the Books of Job, Psalms and Ecclesiastes, I find the deep and painful aspects of life and personality to be the most real and revealing of our nature in contrast to God’s.

The course reading on Prozac, as well as the personal research I have done in the works of Greene-McCreight and Jamison, have informed me greatly and caused me to re-analyze and test my opinions numerous times over. I am certainly still in the process of testing and developing my opinions, therefore my most practical means of responding to the issues of antidepressants has been to inform myself with a variety of opinions. I am thankful that my experiences of depression have not yet been all-consuming and also thankful that I have not experienced symptoms of mania. I realize, though, that there may come a time when I have to more seriously consider the possibility of taking antidepressant drugs. I also realize that I am still very naive to the real pressures of mental illness on daily life (I have always been able to re-surface on my own). The Prozac article concerned me because the dissolution of personality by medication seems horrifyingly destructive to the meaning of our lives. I am admittedly at a point of fearing the effects of medication on the brain, and I am attempting to deal with this moral issue by reading and questioning my own beliefs against the beliefs of others. 

Works Cited

Greene-McCreight, K. (2006). Darkness Is My Only Companion: A Christian Response to Mental Illness. Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press. 

Jamison, K.R. (1995). An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness. New York, NY: Random House, Inc. 

Jamison, K.R. (1993). Touched with Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament. New York, NY: Free Press Paperbacks. 

Kramer, P.D. (2002). “Listening to Prozac: A Psychiatrist Explores Antidepressant Drugs and the Remaking of the Self.” In L. May, S. Collins-Chobanian & K. Wong (Eds.), Applied Ethics: A Multicultural Approach. 3rd ed. (640-652). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall. 

Works Consulted

Styron, W. (1990). Darkness Visible. New York, NY: Random House, Inc. 

Dossey, L. (1993). Healing Words: The Power of Prayer and the Practice of Medicine. New York, NY: HarperCollins Publishers.

Who God Is

Wrote this in the front of my bible last year after I stopped believing in God for a while. 
It refocuses me when I just need a push back in the right direction. 

Yes to Anti-Depressants

So I made a comment over at Jesus or Zoloft and a kind woman (pastordt) took the time to disagree with me and offer responses to my questions. You might want to read the actual blog post (the link above). You can also see the original comment thread there, or read it here (I've been given permission to post it). Also check out the post I wrote before this conversation got started (Mental Illness and Jesus). 

me:

I agree with you [referring to Jamie who wrote the blog post] that depression is not a sin, but I do think that it is caused by sin and therefore a spiritual, not a medical, battle. I think it's natural that we be plagued by the effects of sin as long as we are still in this world and not yet resurrected in Christ.

Although I feel like I should agree with you, I currently don't. I think depression is a real, evil attack against us that brings us to a point where we are willing to value the functionality and freedom of our life over the grace of Christ. I think it's a spiritual battle that is supposed to be fought, no matter how difficult, by faith. And that faith looks like totally depending on God to make you alive and hopeful and able to bear fruit for Him. I think that I need to believe in His power to free me and that I'm hiding from the battle by taking anti-depressants. A lot of Christian's who suffer from depression read the psalms and connect with what the psalmist said. He gained victory over his depression by trusting God.

I don't think taking anti-depressants for depression is similar to taking insulin for diabetes. The mind is much more complex than the body. Our identity is in our minds, not our body. Our faith and reasoning is in our minds, not our body. Ultimately it's a personal decision. Mine is that if I really do claim to believe that God is everything that bible says He is, then I need to trust Him to free me or not free me from depression as is necessary for Him to be glorified as He pleases.

If you want to examine the source of this opinion (me) you can read my blog.

Otherwise it's just another perspective to take into consideration.

pastordt:

This just makes me sad, and a little bit scared, too. As with any other battle we endure in this life, there is, indeed, a spiritual component to depression. We are whole creatures, body/mind/soul. Separating them out is not helpful nor is it even scriptural.

Mental illness, in all its complicated permutations, IS an illness of the body as well as the mind, just as diabetes, with all its multi-layered complexity is an illness of the mind as well as the body. You cannot just carve out pieces of yourself and say medical care is appropriate for this but not for that.

That desire to make the mind the only part of us with connection to God is a piece of the oldest heresy on the books - gnosticism. I truly hope you will reconsider and avail yourself of all the help that is out here in this world, this world where God's truth is unveiled in the science lab as well as in the pages of scripture.

We believe in a resurrection of the body, remember? The body. And our minds are an intrinsic part of that body. Maybe, just maybe, God has already given you all the information you need to walk down the path toward wholeness. You are choosing not to take that path.

God is glorified, as Iraneaus put it in the 2nd century, by 'the human person, fully alive.' If you are truly battling clinically diagnosable depression, then you are not fully alive. And everything in scripture and in the history of faith points us in the direction of choosing life. For many believers, that means availing themselves of medicine that helps to rebalance important chemicals in the brain that impact mood. It doesn't work for everyone, but for many it is nothing less than a Godsend. And I use that word very deliberately.

me:

Hi pastordt,

Thanks for replying. I'm still forming my views on this and I'm glad to have people who challenge me and make me keep examining things. 

First, can I ask what you mean by my conclusions making you scared? 

Also, I hadn't thought so far as to realize that dividing the mind and body is not biblical. You've given me new things to think about. I didn't mean to make it that the mind was our only connection with God.

I think the foundation of my thinking right now is that I really want to abide by the claims that Jesus is capable of healing and that He is all I need to fully alive. You probably understand that early faith often appears in fairly extreme beliefs.... 

Regarding God being glorified in us being fully alive... am I supposed to be made fully alive while still on this earth? Isn't it impossible for me to be fully alive as long as any sin is present? 

Finally, cannot choosing life simply mean choosing Christ? Do you think it is dangerous for me to keep hoping that Jesus will heal me/not heal me as necessary for His glory (and not take medication)? I want to believe that abiding in Christ can rebalance the brain chemicals that impact mood. 

pastordt

Meghan,

I am frightened by the fact that you somehow believe that taking medicine for an illness is not an example of healing. I am frightened because I know that untreated depression can, quite literally, be deadly. I am frightened because I want you to live a full, rich life. Not a pain-free life - that is not possible, nor even desirable. But if you're doing battle against brain chemistry gone awry, and God, in his mercy, has brought us to the point of understanding more about how such chemistry works and has allowed the discovery of pills to help regulate that chemistry - why in the world would you choose not to find out if that might be what you need to do? If that avenue might be the one through which God might facilitate healing?

I don't know you and I don't know the depths of your depression. But if you are, indeed, truly depressed, then you need to see a doctor who can point you toward both good talk therapy and medical help.

Yes, when we choose Christ, we choose life. But all along the journey between now and the time we die, we have to keep choosing life. That means making informed decisions about what is best for us and our own particular set of physical and/or mental difficulties. Indeed, Jesus heals. But not always in the time or manner that we might imagine, or even in the way we might choose.

What concerns me is that you have somehow relegated your mental health to a status that is outside some sort of boundary you have deduced from scripture. If you are new to the faith, I want to welcome you and encourage you to continue to read, to learn about a variety of spiritual disciplines and to offer yourself back to God through meaningful service. All of that is part of following after Jesus.

But at the top of the list is making sure that we're doing the best we can to care for the bodies and minds we've been given. This is where we meet God -- here in our whole selves. And this is where our own healing happens. The tension I feel is that it reads as though you believe if only you have enough 'faith,' then you will be healed.

This, in a way, is a form of trying to be good enough, courageous enough, trusting enough - when that just is not possible for us. I fear it is a version of what we sometimes label 'works righteousness,' our continuing efforts to somehow prove ourselves worthy of God's love and grace.

But you see, it's not up to us to prove that. God SEES US AS WORTHY BECAUSE OF JESUS. And God loves us even when our faith is tiny, Do you believe that you must prove something to God by believing as you do? Because I want to tell you that you don't have to prove a thing. Going to a doctor to talk about depression is not a sign of too little faith, dear Meghan. It is a sign of life and a seeking after hope. And often, it is exactly what is needed for healing to take place.

Just taking a pill will not solve everything. What it will do is get your chemistry balanced enough for you to continue to do the rest of your life (including growing in your faith) without the heavy weight of depression inhibiting every second of every day. You may discover that this is something that you will need to do for the rest of your life. But you may not. Sometimes, a few months of therapy is all that is needed. But you'll not know that if you don't pursue every avenue available to you.

This is a huge topic, complicated with many layers. And I'm glad you remain open to discussion about it.

Many blessings to you as you continue to think and pray about all of this.

me:

Hi again,

Wow thank you for responding with such kindness and detail to my questions. I must say you've done an impressive job of getting me to waver some on what was a staunch opinion. It's definitely an opinion that I'm going to be continually examining, I'm copying your comment to a word doc to hold onto for re-reads. (I've got a lot to learn and it usually requires me testing things out for myself before I really learn them).

I'm not currently at a point where I've actually needed to consider taking medication, my depressive seasons are usually in response to specific things (like not understanding and therefore refusing to believe God and therefore having no hope). I'm not sure that I actually have clinical depression.

Also, it's quite likely that I'm guilty of the 'trying to prove myself to God, earn His love etc". I have a history of doing that.

Might I post your comment on my blog, so that people who've read my opinion may also read yours? I don't want to be the voice that stops someone from taking medication if they think they need it. If I put it up and you want me to take it down later just let me know.

Thank you again for your concern,

Meghan

***

I admit that reading pastordt's responses made me a bit scared and had me going "God, God, God, I just don't know, God, if I'm wrong, God, God, please don't abandon me for being wrong, God I am way sorry and I totally need You. My opinion doesn't mean anything. I just need you. Sorry sorry sorry sorry"

I also went over to JP to try to find some solace in an opinion agreeing with mine. Turns out he disagrees with me too: "No man could persuade me that all mental derangement is owing to a spiritual cause that has a purely spiritual solution". From Here.

It might turn out that I disagree with me, but I don't yet.

What do you think?

Why I Love the Downtown East Side

I really love the people of the Downtown East Side.

I run to them.

And I've been trying to figure out why.

I think it’s because nothing about them threatens me.

I'm not scared of drug addicts or their dealers, prostitutes or their pimps, the mentally ill, the thieves, the compulsive-liars, the violent, the murderers.

I think that's because the faith that comes easiest to me is trusting God with big things. The only reason that the people of the DTES might scare me is if I feared for my life. And I don't. 

And I've never been scared of strangers.

I actually adore strangers...

Who I am scared of are my peers. 

I run from them.

And I've been trying to figure out why. 

I think it’s because I feel threatened by them. 

I'm so frightened of them that sometimes I even fear them in stranger form (rare but it happens).

I have an on and off relationship with Facebook because it's full of peers who scare me.

The following scare me:

1. Peers who appear to be pretty.

2. Peers who appear to be self-confident.

3. Peers who appear to be happy.

4. Peers who appear to be well-liked (..popular).

And these people are even more frightening in real life than online.

The inferiority I feel in response to them is crippling. 

I see them.

But I don’t really know them.

So I can’t see any flaws or vulnerabilities.

They see me.

But they don’t really know me.

And I don’t think I have any perfection to show them.

So they just see flaws and vulnerabilities.

But they don’t understand them.

I don't want to be friends with them.

I want to forget about them.

I want to run from them.

It's been this way as long as I can remember.

And I've been trying to figure out why. 

I think it’s because I'm scared of them creating a ‘me’ that’s not me.

Strangers (God love'm) are great because:

1) They, by definition, have no understanding of me.

2) I neither expect, require nor desire for them to understand me. 

I like my people to fall into one of two categories; either they know me deeply, or they don't know me at all.

Peers make me feel uncomfortable and self-conscious and insecure because they know things about me but they don't actually know me. It makes me seriously frightened to have people thinking they know a 'me' that isn't actually me. I feel trapped in their perception of me. It feels like the real me is being suffocated, buried, deemed irrelevant. It seems like people don't actually realize that they don't know me. Or that they don't actually care to know me. 

I want to hide from people who assume they know who I am but who have never known or understood me. 

.... My brother has described having a similar feeling. That is, it makes him extremely uncomfortable when people who don't deeply know him make a verbal judgement or observation of him. It seems wrong to him that they should do that. 

All of this is the cause of a major problem.

It makes it impossible for me to love my peers. 

Don't be fooled into thinking I'm virtuous for loving the people of the DTES. It's easy for me to love them because they are strangers. I feel free to be myself with them. I feel free to be vulnerable with them. I feel free to be weak with them. I expect nothing from them. I don’t need to try and earn their love because it doesn't matter if they love me or not.

My affinity for the people of the DTES is primarily selfish.

Who I run to, and who I run from, is based on my desire to uphold and protect me. 

And I am so ashamed.

There is nothing present here other than self-love.

I love people who either love me (know me),

Or people who I don't need to love me (know me).

(I think being loved has a lot to do with being known).

I have loved me.

I have not loved people who don't love me.

Yet I think that in order to love Christ I must obey Him.

And in order to obey Christ I must love people who don't love me in return.

My fear of not being loved by you is keeping me from loving you. 

Forgive me.

I have not been able to love you because I have not believed that Christ's love is enough for me.

I have not believed that it is enough to have Him know me.

If I believed that, I would be able to love you without you truly knowing me.

I would be able to love you unconditionally. 

I would be able to love you like you need to be loved.

Yet I have joy because I believe that all this and more will be possible.

Because He is faithful to finish the work He has begun in me (Philippians 1:6).

Because He continues to teach and guide me (Psalm 32:8).

Because He promises His help, His strength and His victory (Isaiah 41:10).

Because His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

And, of course, His grace is sufficient for me (2 Corinthians 12:9). 

Therefore,

Having been justified by faith, 

I have peace with God 

through our Lord Jesus Christ, 

through whom also we have access by faith 

into this grace in which we stand (!!!!!!!)

and rejoice (!!!)

in hope (!!!!)

of the glory of God (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

And not only that, 

J

but we also glory in tribulations, 

knowing that tribulation 

produces perseverance; 

and perseverance, 

character; 

and character, 

hope.

(WOOOHOOOOOOOOOO)

Now hope 

DOES NOT DISAPPOINT

(amazing stuff)

because the GREAT LOVE of God has been poured out into our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Sincerely,

the much-read, much-true and much-wonderful Romans 5:1-5